Sh** Guys Say

Now in the newest Bethesda Magazine, men, and the wacky things they say, but that also actually mean something different.  Crazy, crazy men.  Am I right, ladies?

In which I continue to kill trees...

 "Oh, yeah, that joke about the frozen bananas is hi-LAR-ious.  Have I mentioned how dreamy your eyes are?"

 "I've got enough caffeine in my system to finish another three pages.  When that's done, I'll go replace it with alcohol."

 "That's a good one.  Have you heard that joke about the frozen banana?  Aw nuts, I gave away the punch line."

 "12 hits?  Oh, come on, that was one of my better blog posts.  Everybody's supposed to love frozen bananas."

 "Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings as say that I thought that concert was lame, so here, let me flex my chest a little.  All better, right?"

 "It was good to see Stacey again at the concert, but honestly, that guy she was with would not shut up about those frozen bananas.  Is that joke even supposed to be funny?"

 "No, we don't serve bananas.  Would you like a coffee?  No, sorry, we don't serve beer either."

 "Wow.  This blog has really gone downhill.  Bookmark list...delete."

 "Mmm.  yes, I've heard it.  I found it rather bourgeois and trite, and I only tell it ironically."

 "If she doesn't think she's a lesbian, someone should tell her.  It's so obvious.  LOL."

 "Bernard collapsed slowly on the floor, a single tear rolling down his cheek.  Montague looked on dispassionately.  'Pray tell, have you heard the tale of the banana in winter, Bernard?'  What the...?"

 "The price of bananas has skyrocketed!  Time to sell.  And we'll place those funds into Frigidaire.  Oh, I AM a genius."

"Trust me, she is so very definitely not a lesbian.  I know.  I can tell.  Can you believe they don't sell beer?"

 "Why does everyone assume I'm a lesbian?  Is it the bunch of bananas I have in my freezer?  Those were turning brown.  I'm going to make banana bread."

"Banana bread is delicious served hot."

Thar be napkin sketches

 Patron: talking to another patron I couldn't draw because of the angle, or a fat person in the way.

 Patron: talking to an equally imposing man with his back to me.

 Patron: writing what I assume was a screenplay or novel on his laptop.

 Patron:  Doing some sort of research or accounting or homework on a laptop.

 Patron: working on his laptop, but not working too hard, because he had no stacks of paper.

 Patron: One of a group of three, chatting merrily.

 Patron: Another of a group of three, chatting merrily.

 Patron: having shopped, was relaxing with an expensive, Italian-named coffee drink.

 Patron: doing something not too serious on his laptop.

 Patron: talking to her.

 Patron: talking to HER.

 Patron:  barista, code name Alec, in disguise as a civilian.

 Barista: code name Hunter.  Special skill: rosettas.

 Patron: to go cup.

 Patron: apparent winner of a card game with very complicated rules.

 Patron: chatting with friend, or being chatted to by friend.

 Patrons: discussing "Beasts of the Southern Wild" which they had just seen.

 Patron: very fashionable on a Friday night.

Barista: code name Danielle.  Secret power: waterproof.

Barista: code name Allie.  Secret power: concerts.



The vast majority of these were motivated out of the sheer boredom of sitting in a coffee shop with a ballpoint pen and nothing better to do or anywhere better to go.