Happy Kwanzaa

Incidentally, This was not planned out at all. Just me, a brush, and a paper, and a nice bottle of sumi-e ink. And Photoshop for the color.

Happy Saturnalia.

Do you see? Do you see what happens when you put a really, really big piece of paper in front of me and shut off the internet?

New Rules

Full body scanners: bad news for terrorists. Good news for nudists. Bad news for nudist terrorists?

In the Cooler

Well, the new fall postcards have just arrived. Unlike some of my other postcards, which were based in fantasy lands and had no connection to anything anyone would really do or say in the real world, this one is based on true events that occurred in Sheepshank prison in 1952.

Butterball was a model prisoner, and oversaw the prison library during his stay. He befriended a young human child, whom he named Cluck-wal-warl, and raised from an infant. After being pardoned by the President, Butterball drifted aimlessly before finally committing suicide by jumping in front of a gravy train.

The turkey pictured here was incarcerated for double homicide. As seen by his tattoo, he also killed a man while in prison. He is due to be executed on the last Thursday in November.

Hanging on the wall is the November "Winged Babes" calendar. The model this month is the Pink Flamingo. The calendar also hides a hole the turkey has been carving out with his beak after hours. Tomorrow he plans to penetrate the final layer of plaster and jump to freedom by landing on the guard's head and posing as an extravagant hat.

This guard is also actually the cousin of the other red-faced portly guy on my Spring postcard, who takes his lawncare very seriously.
See the family resemblance?

Living Like a Liberal

Hey, look! This little half-page ditty appears in the current issue of The Utne Reader, which features, besides me, Nelson Mandela, on the cover. There appear in the magazine two other illustrations by me for the same article, a witty jaunt by a conservative writer into the morally upright and logistically difficult world of being a liberal. I won't show them because, this being a nationally published magazine, there is no reason you can't pick up a copy for yourself and write the editors on how you thought my illustrations were the selling point, which, if you are reading this, they would be.

This video accurately portrays my current feelings on the subject of being published by Utne.

Tee for Two

The new Bethesda magazine is out, which means the new "Domestic Disturbances" is in, which means my illustration once more graces the final page.

New sketch

Having eschewed with my previous sketch due to technical difficulties, I present this one, which I should have finished and sent out before Thanksgiving. I hope. Perhaps in the final, it will be clear that the turkey is playing a harmonica and his November swimsuit calendar features a flamingo.

The Political Spectrum

Welcome to the Political Spectrum, a work in progress. I made it when it occurred to me that there were more dimensions to political ideology than mere conservatism and liberalism. In an effort to map this out, I decided adding the spectrum of radicalism versus conventionalism, which measures how much a person's ideas would change the status quo.

You'll notice that as one becomes more radical, the harder it is to identify them as either liberal or conservative. For example, Joseph Stalin's dictatorial rule can hardly be called liberal, however, he rose in power under a leftist Communist political system. Stalin's placement on the liberal side of the board shows tells us more about the rhetoric of this administration than about his policies. I also had to view everyone through the lens of history, which is why Ronald Reagan now looks like a conventionalist. This was harder to do than it looks.

As I put names in, I also noticed a V-shaped pattern appear. Perhaps because it's hard to be a radical moderate, just as it's hard to hold strong political views if you think everything is fine. Most of the American population, I believe, lies in a soft triangle between John Stewart, George Bush, and Barack Obama.

Of course, this is very far from done. This is the work of one man, and in order to fine-tune it, I need input. Let me know where you think people on the chart should be. Let me know where you think other figures from history, media, or politics should be. Let me know where you should be.

Let's spread the world. The more nuanced our understanding of the Political Spectrum, the smarter this country becomes.

Fall cards

Well, okay. I'm now working on my fall promotional postcard. I've gotten some sketches done too. Shame I got started so late, or I could do something more seasonal. I wanted to draw Halloween monsters.

Victories, large and small

I did the green lines. Kudos to Lindsay Lusby and her amigos for filling in the lines, stenciling in the lettering, and priming the whole thing in advance. Celebrating literary life on the Eastern Shore of Maryland is thirsty work.

Publishment

Since I don't get out too much, I'll just say that this came out "recently" but it features my art in it, and the dewy-eyed teenager on the cover seems like a nice kicker to what is apparently my first paying published work. Everybody buy a copy, and maybe they'll give me a raise next issue.



By popular demand (two people) here is the final. Go buy the magazine anyway and read the article, a witty a beautifully written little column called Domestic Disturbances by Sarah Pekkanen.

You Have Been Caged!

This sort of looks like a really horrible reality show on MTV or something, in which Nicolas Cage would run around playing pranks on people, then jumping out and yelling "You been Caged!"

I wouldn't be surprised if he does this already in his spare time.

Trumpet, Part Deux

Yes! After a seven-month absence, I am back on the instrument kick. I'll re-do a few pieces, put them in a rough book, and send it to publishers, who will be so stunned by my brilliance, they will parade me around town in a gold sedan and shower me with confetti and strudel.

Art-ificial

There's this reality show about "Fine" artists on the crappy cable channel Bravo (purveyor of fine works like "Real Housewives of Orange County" and "Top Chef") called "Work of Art: Finding the next Great Artist" and sufficed to say, fails to live up to any part of its name.

Except maybe "Next". I say that a lot when I watch this show.

The "assignments" given to these moderately talented and very, very pretentious reality show people are so transparent, and the commentary so flaccid, the opinions expressed so blase and trite, that if you said that art was artifice, and asked me to give you an example, I would hand you a dictionary, with the definition of the word artifice, which is what this show is!


P.S. I completely messed up that girl with the hair that looks like a mop. They never show her for more than two seconds at a time, and of the remaining artists, she's the most boring. Probably why she got booted off today.

Double

Illustration Friday topic: double. I was too tired this week to be clever, so I'll just have to settle for being pleasant and diverting.

Verti-Gal

The Daily Show is on vacation for the next two weeks, so I find I have large swaths of free time to spend experimenting. So I did a superhero, who is based off of a character I invented in 8th Grade french class (only it was a guy, wearing a purple windbreaker and a sheet of cardboard over his face, which goes to show that every single idea you have in 8th grade will probably end up embarrassing you later on) and whose costume I stole from a design for my college sophomore psychology class.*

Oh look. A picture.
This lady, in turn, was a rip off of "Brilliant Pussy", a character designed by "Scud the Disposable Assassin" creator Rob Schrab.

Look. another picture.

I could still learn a lot about digital coloring from this guy.

Go to http://www.sketchoholic.com/Talent/member/my_contest_items.php?ContestID=506 and vote for my entry, which won't be hard.


*It's a psychology class at an art school. This is what we do.

Dear Diary

Illustration Friday topic: diary. I just decided to let loose and do something completely fun and wild. It turned out surprisingly coherent, which means, I think, that I held back.

Next time I won't.

Sat ellite

It's Illustration friday, which means that the following Thursday, I post a relevant picture. Today's word: Satellite.

Evolution

Almost final piece. I'm going to tweak the colors and lettering, but, yeah. Going to the beach is a horrible, horrible experience.

Half-a-way done. I plan on weathering the poster in photoshop after the whole thing is done.

a sketch for my new promotional piece.

Beeline

An older piece, originally made for my website, which exemplifies the spirit of the term "trail" as well as the meandering of that crazy Billy in "The Family Circus". If I can get off my butt, I may post a newer, better picture for the topic.

Ick

This is the first acrylic I've done in a while.

On top is a more recent version, with color corrected in Photoshop to more accurately depict what the piece actually looks like.

The Early Bird...

...has as rough a morning as the rest of us, and you'd better not even talk to him before he's had his worm. Not decaf. Venti.

By the way, that's an accurate coloring of a European Robin "red breast".

From pencil to posting here, this dude took me less than an hour. Why I don't update more often is a mystery for the great minds of our generation to solve.

The Give and Take Tree

I always thought the tree in Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree got a bum deal. Did that little kid ever even say "thank you"? Then again, at least he asked.

Getting Ahead

Eventually, after millions of years of progress and evolution, we just start faking it.

Raising Arizona: starring Danny Trejo

This is what happens when Danny Trejo is pulled over and asked for his papers. Because Chuck Norris dresses up like Danny Trejo for Halloween.

Earth Daze

Earth Day is here, and I'm proud to say that it's the first holiday since Christmas that contrasts the popular Who-ville morel of "Stop being such greedy little wenches!" with the unrestrained capitalism of "Hey! buy our product! It's green now!"

I should point out that all the numbers in this comic are as accurate and up-to-date as I could find. Most of them came from 2003 to around 2006. There are no statistics on how much trash the entire world throws away each year, so I used estimates based on America's output. What staggered me was that we produce more air pollution than we do physical waste--by weight! Do you have any idea how much a ton of CO2 is? Holy crap!

Linked

I like puns. Also up at Illustration Friday, through the link.

Zoo Loggy

Went to the zoo today. Really really crowded. Glad I didn't go on Saturday.

Ol' Greco

I was flipping through one of my old sketchbooks today, and came upon this motley trio. Apparently, at one time, I had delusions of creating a series of updated Greek Gods. I abandoned it, possibly for these reasons. It didn't seem all that original, so I quit before I could get to a hacker Hermes, oil baron Hades, or Poseidon, who, I imagine, would have some hand in making all those Blue Planet films.

Ah, the more I think about it, the less this sounds like such a bad idea. Maybe later.

Tea Bomb!

Now this went through a number of phases, but the point remains the same: in an open democracy, parties that collude with extremist groups will not do well in general elections. In one, there was a Trojan Tea Pot. There was a Russian Roulette Tea Party. Tea pots filled with acid. A Shining-like moment with a giant teapot spilling over with blood. Sharks in a tea pot. Snakes in a tea pot. The possibilities are almost endless.

Democracy in ACTION!!

Quickly now, vote for your favorite caption! Or come up with your own! Or come up with some one else's! Or just tell me what you think!

Chumming

Boaters who want to attract sharks have this practice, called chum, of throwing scoopfuls of blood and fish guts into the water. Sharks smell the blood, and swarm. Now, most intelligent boaters, the ones who know what they're doing, know when to stop chumming. If too much blood goes into shark infested waters, a frenzy could occur, which is bad for everyone, including the guy hold a dripping bucket of fish guts over the water.

This is what I see on the Right right now. Demagogues and pundits are throwing hateful, bile-filled misinformation out into the culture, and the disaffected, potentially violent, and racist members of our society are swarming.

Let's hope they're smart enough to know when to stop. Before someone gets bit.